By Guest Blogger and SoulCore Leader Stacy Lievens

Dear Blessed Mother,

I remember the longing. For all the years of my grade school days, I remember seeing the girls, dressed in their best dress, climbing the stool to place the woven flowers on your head. As they did this, I remember belting out, with my off-key voice, “Queen of the Angels, Queen of the May.”   Oh, Blessed Mother, I wanted to know you deeper. I wanted to know the power in those beautiful beads, and  I wanted to one day crown you with that flower crown. It was such a deep desire in my heart. I didn’t know you well, but I loved you, and I wanted to know you. 

Then came my turn. I poured for hours, days, over that essay I had to write to earn the privilege of crowing you. I wrote, revised, and wrote again. In the back of my mind the evil one taunted, “How could you ever think to be given or chosen for this honor.” But still, I hoped. And then it was announced. I had waited all those years, as I am sure many girls had, but only one was chosen.  I was not to be the one who would crown you with those beautiful flowers on that day in May.

Somehow, a piece of my heart broke when that happened. I felt like I could never be good enough or beautiful enough to crown you as Queen. The taunting of the evil one became personal and real. You felt distant and untouchable to me. You were a mother that I loved, but I began to think you were too beautiful and perfect to love a person like me. I did not trust.  I thought maybe, you didn’t want me as your child. And so, sadly, my beautiful rosary gathered dust, I failed to grow closer to you, and set out on my own….

Mother Mary, you are a loving Mother, a perfect Mother. You let me go but never left my side. You are the Star of the Sea.  Your hand was always guiding me safely to shore when the winds came or the waters were treacherous. I did not know at the time that you were the one guiding my life safely through uncharted waters. I didn’t see or hear your gentle pleading of love to come back to you. But you never left me, not for a minute. I know that now. And you never forgot the deep desire of my heart to want to know you…. 

You led me many years later to SoulCore, for you knew I would be open and receptive and you would finally be able to reach my heart. Through SoulCore, you have shown me that the mysteries of the rosary were always the rhythm of my life; complete with joys, sorrows, miracles, deaths, and new life. Those beautiful beads were woven into the very fabric of my life. You encourage me to grow strong in virtue and our home has become a refuge of forgiveness, mercy, and love. A refuge of your Immaculate Heart. You are welcome here, you are present here, and you are given a place of honor here….

I now realize that in God’s infinite goodness, He gave me a second chance to crown you as my Queen.  It was not a one-time opportunity, but rather He has allowed me to crown you each and every day of my life. A perpetual crowning. Every rosary that is offered is like a special woven crown that I can place at your feet. They are filled with joy, petitions, there are some laden with sorrow and even fear, but all are full of gratitude and love. You truly are “Queen of the angels, Queen of the May!” You are the Queen of my life and I love you. Thank you for loving me, never leaving me, and guiding me home to your Immaculate Heart. 

Totus Tuus, 

Your loving daughter

If your walk with Mary has taken a detour, please consider praying with us in SoulCore. 

Mary is waiting to love you and lead you to Jesus. She knows your joy and your pain, and she wants nothing more than to embrace you in her loving arms today.