By Deanne Miller, SoulCore Co-Founder

I’d like to begin by inviting you to close your eyes and think of a few words that come to mind when you think of your body. And then open your eyes.

For many of us words like unhealthy, tired, achy, or broken may have surfaced. I’m curious if any of these words also came to mind: Miracle. Gift. Temple. Sacrament. Sacred.

My hope today is to help open, or re-open, your eyes to that very truth. 

St. John Paul II Says, “The body, and it alone, is capable of making visible what is invisible: the spiritual and the divine. The body is the “sacrament” of the person.

Our bodies are really a blueprint of God, a true gift from God. How we care for our bodies is our gift back to Him.

This was not always my thought process.

I’m going to back up a little to my youth, specifically my teenage years when I certainly did not recognize or honor this truth. I did not take care of myself in any way that would reflect gratitude to God for this gift. Yet, in His infinite goodness, I know now it was during those times when God’s love and mercy to reveal this truth was in high gear.

I grew up in a very lively, large Greek Orthodox family. Faith, unity, trust, gratitude and acceptance were cornerstones of our upbringing. Growing up we moved around a lot due to promotions within my dad’s profession. Moving was never easy but through the example of my parents, we were able to build upon those cornerstones. One of the first things my parents would do was sign us up for whatever sport was in season. It was a great way to integrate us into the community, meet new friends and engage our bodies in healthy, physical activity. I have 4 brothers, all of them very athletic and sports were always a natural part of our existence. But during my high school years my attitude toward health and physical activity became very skewed.

When I was in high school, our family moved to Indiana. Since we’d experienced moving many times before, I didn’t think much of it. Turns out moving as a teenager was a touch more challenging. So many changes are happening in our bodies, emotional rollercoasters, you name it. We had always bonded more tightly as a family with each move because we only had each other, for which I’m so grateful. Maybe because of our ages, or other factors, this move was different. We were all forging our own paths, going in our own directions. My mom started a business shortly after we moved to Indiana, which was understandably all consuming. My dad was spending countless hours in his new position, and my brothers were all finding their own way. I found myself wondering, where did I belong in my family, my community, my school, my friends….and did I even matter to God?

This sense of not belonging and the feeling of having no control over the circumstances wreaked havoc on me. I began to lose any sense worthiness and purpose. I became a shell of a person. Completely empty on the inside. I found myself in a perpetual rhythm of negative self talk. I started to believe the lies I was telling myself and was giving other people permission to define my worth.

I decided to take things into my own hands. (By the way, never a good idea!) What started out small and imperceptible would manifest into full-blown disordered eating. I was using food and exercise as a weapon against myself, causing tremendous destruction to my body, instead of nourishment and strength to our cells, muscles, and bones as intended. I would refuse to eat, or gorge myself and then purge it, or exercise for hours… it was all obsessive, controlling behavior – and food and exercise were simply the tangible elements, my tools if you will, to control at least that part of my life, since everything else felt out of control. As skewed as that thinking was, I justified it as “at least I have control over something.”

There was also a sense of believing I deserved to feel miserable due to my lack of self-worth. Looking back, I can see now how even the purging of food was a physical act of wanting to purge the terrible feelings and interior thoughts I had about myself. I fell into a very destructive pattern of abusing my body. This spiraled to a point where I was dangerously unhealthy physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Interesting to note, as I began to lose weight as a byproduct of starving myself or purging, I was receiving positive and complimentary feedback. Comments like, “Wow you look great” or “I wish I could be that thin.” While everyone meant well, this sadly only fueled my disorder and fostered more justification for me to continue self-destructing.

It is also not lost on me in my intent to be in control, I was clearly out of control! I was pushing God and everyone else aside to do as I pleased, Reminds me of something Bishop Robert Barron said regarding the Mary/Martha story… “The certain sign that something is off in Martha’s soul is that she takes everything into her own hands and even tells God what to do” -(Luke 10:38-42).

This destructive behavior would last into my college years. Amazingly God never gave up on me. HE NEVER GIVES UP ON US! My mom has a saying “God JUST won’t leave us alone…. and follows up with, “and I LOVE that about him!” Scripture also affirms this in John 8:29: “And He who sent Me is with Me; He has not left Me alone…” God is always present in our sufferings, our joys, all of it. We just have to be willing to let Him in to do the healing work only He can do. That takes humility, trust, obedience, surrender and hope!

“In my deepest wound I saw your glory and it dazzled me.” —St. Augustine

In His love and mercy, He kept nudging me toward health, revealing to me through scripture: 1 Corinthians 6:19-20: “Do you not know that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit?” I don’t recall it being those exact words, but that was the clear message I received. This revelation started to change something in me.

In John 5:6 Jesus asks “Do you wish to be well?”

For the first time in a long time, I truly wanted to be well. But I felt like I had dug myself into a very big hole – a pit of existence- and had become an invalid of sorts like the man in this scripture, and I certainly had no idea how to be well again on my own.

“However great our efforts, we cannot change ourselves. Only God can get to the bottom of our defects, and our limitations in the field of love; only he has sufficient mastery over our hearts for that. If we realize that we will save ourselves a great deal of discouragement and fruitless struggle. We do not have to become saints by our own power; we have to learn how to let God make us into saints. That does not mean, of course, that we don’t have to make any effort . . . We should fight, not to attain holiness as a result of our own efforts, but to let God act in us without our putting up any resistance against him; we should fight to open ourselves as fully as possible to his grace, which sanctifies us.”—Fr. Jacques Philippe,

We prayed this Responsorial Psalm recently at Mass – You will rescue my life from the pit, O Lord. I thought to myself, YES that’s exactly what He did and promises to do for all of us. To rescue us from ourselves, from any pits we’ve gotten ourselves into.

“See who I was in myself and by myself. I have destroyed myself, but he who made me remade me.” St. Augustine

I began to open myself up to God and ask for His grace. As He does for each of us so intimately and generously, He enlisted others to help nurture me back to health – my family, very dear friends, and my now husband, Mike. Worth noting, they didn’t necessarily feel equipped to help but they showed up, they were present to my needs, and they became the Simon’s in my life helping me carry my cross. It took a lot of courage for them to share their concerns, especially my friends. It’s not easy to speak painful truths as a teenager.

I think of the Visitation – when Mary went in haste to be with her cousin Elizabeth. Mary may not have known what she would do, how she would be able to help Elizabeth, but she went nonetheless and was present with her. That was the most beautiful thing she could do – to simply be present to Elizabeth and ready to respond to her needs.

For me, a powerful turning point was the concern and involvement from my dad. A visitation of sorts. When he got involved and invested in my health and well-being, it felt like God Our Father speaking to me through him. My mom of course was so loving and very concerned about me. She was trying to help me in many ways, but could only do so much. I admire her humility in knowing she needed to implore the help of others. So she went to my father. And when my parents sat me down together and my dad became fully vested in my well-being it was powerful and profound.

That event taught me the importance of being vulnerable, of letting others into our suffering, and knowing God doesn’t expect us to do anything on our own. You may not have the support of family in the same way I did, but we all have such a strong support system in our universal Church, friends or other family members. We are here for one another, accompanying each other throughout our respective journeys.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt a sense of belonging, purpose and worthiness, and a willingness to surrender. When I think back to that conversation, I now lovingly see my mother taking me to my father, just as Our Blessed Mother lovingly takes us to Our Heavenly Father.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” 2 Corinthians 4:16

By surrendering control and crying out for God to help me, through His grace, I was able to begin to re-establish a healthy respect and appreciation for the nourishment of food and a healthy, moderate approach to exercise.I recognized healthy patterns of behavior of those around me, and it made me realize how unhealthy and destructive my behavior was. And honestly I was exhausted. I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to try to control anything anymore! This healing did not happen overnight. As I certainly didn’t get to this place of complete brokenness overnight. But with God’s grace and cooperation with the nudges of the Holy Spirit guiding me to make better choices – ones that aligned with self-care in a healthy manner, the healing began.

“Therefore I urge you brothers and sisters in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is your true and proper worship.” Romans 12:1

During this time I made a silent vow to God to care for the gift of my body with praise and thanksgiving. Movement became an experience of prayer for me, an offering to God. Reverence and care of my body and soul through the integration of prayer and movement became a sustaining factor in my healing journey. God was revealing these Truths and convicting me ever so gently along the way. I certainly had to fight against the temptations to return to my old controlling, self-destructive ways, but the power of God’s healing hand and my desire to please Him became far greater than my temptations. This was grace. There’s a beautiful reflection called Patient Trust. The very first line is: “Above all, trust in the slow work of God.” It goes on to say: “Give Our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.”—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ excerpted from Hearts on Fire

None of this could I have done on my own. That’s the beauty of our faith, we all have within us an ability to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and cooperate with His grace.

I also believe there is staying power in everything we do when we are doing it for something much greater than ourselves; when our intentions are aimed solely to glorify God (1 Cor 6:20), and to be a fit instrument to do His will.

The Catechism tells us… We are body and spirit.. We must pray with our whole being to give all power possible to our supplication. (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2702)

We’re called to pay most perfect homage to God by nourishing and honoring both the physical and spiritual. Through my destructive season, I gained a deep appreciation for the connection of body and soul and why SJPII’s message of the “body making visible the invisible, the Divine” resonates so deeply.

“For God is not a God of disorder but of peace” 1 Corinthians 14:33

I can say with all sincerity and honesty that I am grateful for the suffering I endured during those years. God permitted me to go through that time of trial and season of disorder not as a punishment, but rather in order that He could reorder what I had disordered, to redeem it and to use it for His glory. True redemptive suffering. That’s how intimate He is with every one of us. He knows exactly what each of us uniquely needs – including the struggles and sufferings – in order to draw us closer to Him, to be made new, and to become fully who He created us to be. While it may feel painful at the time, scripture tells us in Hebrews 12:11: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” It may not always be what we want, but it will always be what we need.

Sometimes we also can wonder if any of our efforts or sacrifices in total well-being even matter, or we don’t want to be making certain sacrifices, and then we can feel guilty for feeling that way. Remembering that everything we do we’re doing in the presence of the Lord gives us strength and encouragement to persevere. How powerful to remember all that we’re doing is meant for His glory, including care of our whole bodies!

There’s a beautiful prayer that provides encouragement to persevere in glorifying the Lord that I started praying years ago after doing a Consecration to Jesus through Mary:

“Mary, My Mother, I give myself totally to you as your possession and property. Please make of me, of all that I am and have, whatever most pleases you. Let me be a fit instrument in your immaculate and merciful hands for bringing about the greatest possible glory to God. Amen.”

He is calling every one of us to trust in His providence and mercy, to work for something greater than ourselves and to be fit instruments in building His kingdom, as we hear in Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Whatever season we’re in, whatever the struggles, challenges, brokenness, anxieties we’re enduring… God is in it and He knows what we need. We can find comfort knowing whatever he’s bringing us into, He is already there. As my mom reminds me, He just won’t leave us alone!” We have a responsibility to cultivate the gifts He’s given us in body, mind and soul to pay Him perfect homage.

He also wants to turn our brokenness into wholeness and desires to order our days in His peace.

“For God is not a God of disorder but of peace” 1 Corinthians 14:33

I don’t know if you’ve ever been struck by this prayer during the Liturgy of the Eucharist the priest will sometimes pray, “Order our days in Your peace.” I’ll never forget one day during Mass several years ago, those very words jumped out at me – as if on a megaphone! God not only desires to order our days in His peace., it’s exactly what happens when our days are ordered around His plan and His will, rather than our “disordered” days. When God is given highest value, order is established.

God gives us free will, but never deserts us. He allows us to be broken so He can restore and re-purpose us. Through these trials He was making me new and was filling me with His Truth, love, mercy, grace, goodness and belonging. He was ordering my days in His peace. He’s right there, wanting to do the same with, through and in you.

It’s oftentimes hard to know what God is up to, especially when we’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, depleted, even hopeless. I recognize now that those years of emptiness, feeling worthless, not belonging was a time God was MOST present to my needs and filling me with His love and healing graces.I may not have felt it at the time, but I know it with every ounce of my being now.

And when we unite our sufferings with Jesus’ sufferings, and resign to His will, it always bears fruit. Everything we go through is preparing us for what He has planned for us. (Jeremiah 29:11)

God is always preparing us for what He has prepared for us.

One example of this for me was God bringing my husband Mike, a cradle Catholic, into my life during the throes of my destructive years. Marrying Mike led to my conversion to Catholicism. My conversion to the faith led to my desire to draw closer to Jesus through the Blessed Mother by praying the rosary.

That eventually led to being called to co-found SoulCore with my dear friend Colleen, who had personally suffered several family tragedies. SoulCore engages the whole person in the sacred experience of the rosary, integrating prayer and movement to cultivate interior peace, growth in virtue, and bring honor and glory to God. The very desire God placed within me long ago to honor body and soul through prayer and movement, He was now using as a platform through SoulCore – calling us to create beauty from the ashes of our sufferings. He not only completely reordered what I had disordered, he was using it for His glory! I couldn’t see it then, but that’s the power of God To Make All Things New (Rev 21:5)

I heard someone say in sharing their personal healing journey, “God used the parts of my story that once destroyed me to actually show me more of who He is and more of who I was made to be.” How beautiful is that?

It also makes me think of something our friend Caroline would often say, “God turns our mess into our message.”

How often we think we’ve totally messed up, gone too far off the deep end, no way can we be redeemed, and yet God can do all things and He lets nothing be wasted. He will use every experience for good. Just as He promises in Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

For me that mess-to-message was the call, an invitation, to co-found SoulCore. The very desire God placed within me long ago to honor body and soul through my sufferings, he was now using as a vessel to help others experience transformation and care of the whole person. He will use anyone and can redeem all things . and It’s incredible what He can do with our little “yes”. As St. Therese says “Everything is grace.”

I encourage you to let these words by St. Teresa of Avila penetrate your soul, as a beautiful reminder of the purpose and importance of the work you’re doing in this very season of your life, that everything matters, that YOU matter, and that God is working through you in all things…

“Christ has no body now but yours. No hands, no feet on earth but yours. Yours are the eyes through which he looks compassion on this world. Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good. Yours are the hands through which he blesses all the world. Yours are the hands, yours are the feet, yours are the eyes, you are his body. Christ has no body now on earth but yours.”

I invite you to pray with me: Dear God, we ask you to give us the grace to rightly order our desires according to Your will, in body, mind and soul. Help us see our bodies as they truly are, a miraculous gift and temple of the Holy Spirit. Help us to fill our minds with Your Truth and goodness. Help us to nourish our souls to glorify and magnify You in all we do. As we learn to cooperate with your grace, remind us to thank you each day for your infinite love and mercy at work in body, mind and spirit. We ask this Jesus in your name, and always through the intercession of our most beautiful Blessed Mother. Amen.

I pray you will be given the grace of holiness and wholeness, to allow God to rightly order your days. May He free you from any disorders in mind, body or spirit. May God heal you and bless you abundantly and order all your days in HIS peace.